"Today, zis patio....tomorrow, ZE WORLD!!!!"
So, obviously disgruntled with the way the Second World War went, Socialist Swede Ingvar Kamprad ( which is Swedish for ‘I was a little Hitler’) decided the best and most clandestine way to dominate the world was via soft-furnishings. It’s almost Pythonesque, isn’t it? “If you don’t let me build an IKEA megastore over the Polish border…it’s ….it’s THE COMFY CHAIR FOR YOU!!”
How dare he design cheap and easy to assemble flat-pack furniture! How can he possibly reconcile Nazi propaganda with extremly good value for money futons? If he’d already opened the IKEA quilt department by the winter of 1942, there might have been a different outcome to the siege at Stalingrad. And most Russian kitchens would probably now be sporting that lovely faux parquet flooring. I’ll tell you one thing, dear readers, I’ll never buy a shower from Ikea………
Who knew the Swedes were capable of harbouring such secrets? The next thing you know, we’ll discover that Abba are actually four bricklayers from Accrington, called Albert, Bert, Bertie and Alberta, managed by Oswald Mosley……come to think of it, “The Winner takes it all” smacks of dictatorship, doesn’t it?
Kev Moore
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