The God Theory

"Just you wait until I'm an all-powerful, omnipresent figment of your imagination, you bastards..."

He’s not real, you know. He’s a construct of human design which came about because the thought of us being responsible for our actions, or at the mercy of everything else was too much for us to deal with, But let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that he is. I’d like to use a metaphor to describe him. It involves utilizing a religious preconception, but for the sake of argument, I’m willing to do that. Imagine God is re-incarnated, right? It’s my belief that in a former life he was the class nerd. You know, the one everybody picked on, played practical jokes on.

“What’s your name kid?” “Uh, Jehovah”

“Stupid name! – put his head down the toilet and flush it!”  That sort of thing.

I think, he kind of won the celestial lottery and came back as this omnipotent being. It’s the only logical explanation I can put forward for some of the stuff that goes on.  like the other day in France, a massive storm blew up out of nowhere which lasted 20 minutes. It uprooted trees, and one tree crashed down onto a tent where a woman was camping, killing her and severely injuring her children.  Another example was the cop in America, who was asked by a child in McDonald’s if he had 10 cents as he didn’t have enough for a cookie. The cop bought the whole cookie for the kid, walked out of the restaurant and was shot dead in a random attack. The only way there can be a God, and for these things to happen, is for him to be a vindictive little shit who got picked on at school.

Of course the God-botherers then really rub salt into the wound by coming out with utter tripe such as “He has a plan”. Yeah? it’s a seriously f*cked up one then, almost on par with the Millennium dome, or allowing London to host the Olympics. (Still, there’s plenty of plasma screen TV’s distributed among the populace so they can watch the events in glorious widescreen.)

Of course, in reality, there is no God, that woman and that cop unwittingly picked the booby prize in the lottery of life, discovering it was in fact a bitch, and then you die.

There’s some nice churches around though, if you like that sort of thing.

Kev Moore

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