The Chinese Birth Control Policy

Only one of these kids is legal. Probably.

The Chinese. Again. this time it’s to take a closer look at their birth control policy and what unforseen effects its having on the land of illegally copied goods.  Ironic really. They stop you reproducing kids, but reproduce a designer handbag, or a car, and you can knock yourself out, mate – make a million of ’em! So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I have a go at our epicanthically-folded friends!  There’s also a song “Just one more”. Just Click on the player at the foot of this post.  You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.

Kev Moore

Bad Packaging

Yes, the headphones are lovely - but can you actually liberate them from their hermetically sealed prison without becoming a paraplegic?

How many paper cuts, blisters, severed digits and gouged eyes have you suffered simply trying to open these bloody creations that people see fit to invent to enshroud your latest purchases? Yeah, me too. So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I give vent to my frustrations!  Just Click on the player at the foot of this post.  You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.

Kev Moore

Bloody Celebrities!

"When I grow up I want to be Mariah Carey, you bastards"

I returned to the airwaves this weekend with my Bayradio rant – this time turning my sights on celebrities.(An easy target, I know, so hey! Let’s do it!) Now, I’ve been lucky enough to be the beneficiary of occasional ‘special treatment’ or ‘freebies’, and very nice it is too, but when these bloody A-listers think they are so far above us that they can behave like small children it really gets my Capra Hircus, or goat, for the less well-read among you. Now, a little secret, dear reader…. I recorded this rant before the demise of the reality-challenged Whitney Houston, who had the bad grace to depart this world after I’d mentioned her tantrums in my rant. Being a sensitive soul, I recorded it, and ‘framed’ Mariah Carey for the same outburst. As I mention in the dialogue, it doesn’t really matter, all these dodgy divas are so interchangeable you’d hardly know the difference. Just for the record, Ms.Carey was still drawing breath as this went to press.

There’s an original song with this one – ‘Don’t you know who I think I am’, which will appear on my new album, scheduled for release in the Autumn. The lyrics are below.

Just click on the player to hear my Celebrity strop rant, and click on the Bay Radio ‘listen live’ icon to, well, er…listen live!

Don’t you know who I think I am?

I’m in first class every time I fly – that’s just my way
And it’s the stewardesses ass if it ain’t just right, what can I say?
And don’t gimme none o’that ‘first in line’
Cos this seats taken and it’s always mine
And don’t tell me I can’t use my phone
and could you see to it I dine alone?

Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m not one of those you can easily mess with
Don’t you know who I think I am
I’d like some Dom Perignon and a nice club sandwich…..NOW!

I want the first five rows just for myself – and a cafe au lait
I don’t give a damn about no-one else – no, not today
I was  a tenement brat who never had a lot
Now I’m superstar diva takin’ all you got
I’d sell my own mama just to get ahead
Didnt you listen to what I just said?

Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m not one of those you can easily mess with
Don’t you know who I think I am
I cant wear my seatbelt cos I’m so exhausted….NOW

Music &Lyrics © Kev Moore 2012

Kev Moore

American TV Networks – disrespecting their public!

"It's my series and I'll cancel it if I want, you schmucks!" said a fat TV executive recently

I’ve long held the belief that the giant TV networks regard us as beneath contempt, an unfortunate, unwanted yet albeit necessary part of the equation that results in television programming, and the creation in particular of serialization.  Many of my favourite programmes have come to grief because they didn’t hit some arbitrary notch on the ratings bedpost, or by way of their intrusive advertising, sell enough Daz. So it will come as no surprise to followers of my blog, or my BayRadio slot, that I chose to vent my spleen against them this weekend. Click on the player below to listen to the rant, which also includes the specially-written song “Pulling the Plug” (Lyrics below) – a fantasy I entertained about a fan of one show who was so over-zealous, he sabotaged the studio executive’s car and then murdered him while he recovered in hospital. Of course, I’m not suggesting that anybody really do this…but, you know….bring back ENTERPRISE , or else!!

Pulling the plug

Hey there Mr Katzenjammer, sitting in LA
On which dream of mine and many others
Do you intend to throw the covers
And break the hearts of TV lovers
From here to Monterey?

Well we were captured by the Pilot
You seduced us with the plot
Episode by episode you showed us what you’d got
But now the season’s over
And the Network’s had enough
Have you ever felt like you’ve been had?
Somebody’s called your bluff…..

Pulling the plug on your favourite show
Never did no-one no good
You reel us all in then you let us go
Well I guess that’s how they do it in Hollywood

I don’t believe you would let us down
If you knew how much it meant
But I’ve drained the brakes on your oldsmobile
Just to demonstrate my intent

I’ll visit you in intensive care
When you’re all broken and bent

And your monitors flatline is my favourite show
And although I know it’s not the way you wanted to go
It was me that you were messing with and now you know

That respectfully, oh, regretfully
and with all due deference to your sponsors fee
I’ll be……

Pulling the Plug

CHORUS x 2

Well the broadcast rights to your funeral rites
Went to Fox, not CBS
A docu-soap on your early life
And an unexpected guest

They’ll show your final resting place
Here on Prime-time way out West

The irony here is that the ratings war
Will be won by you, but not like how you won it before
You’re the king of all the networks but you’re out the door

Oh, oblivious, and postumhous
And you never even gave a single shit about us, who does?

I’m pulling the plug.

© 2012 Words and Music Kev Moore

If you want to listen to BayRadio live just click on the icon below. My live rants return on March 2nd, but I’ll be posting the links to some previous ones here during February.

Kev Moore

Balotelli – a child on man’s wages

....And so's my Agent................

So, following the latest in a string of incidents, the agent for this idiot has come out and said that Balotelli, the controversial Manchester City footballer, may be forced to quit English football after what he perceives is ‘unfair treatment’.

Yeah? See ya.

The agent then goes on to say it’s his duty to ‘protect and then take him away..”

Really? I thought it was your duty to swindle a club out of millions, siphon off a huge profit for very little effort and then move on to the next overpaid, under-educated thug. Manchester city’s manager is no better. It seems to be all the rage, Italians losing touch with reality, first Captain Schettino of the Costa Concordia, and now Roberto Mancini, who moans about too many fixtures when he’s got so many top-drawer players he can field to perfectly capable 11’s, and who unbelieveably tells the club they have to spend more. Hey Roberto! How about trying to manage instead of buy success? This isn’t The bloody Sopranos, you know.

The Beautiful game?  My arse.

Kev Moore

Titanic revisited – The unbelievable mis-captaincy of the Costa Concordia

I spent the best part of two years on a cruise ship – The Ocean Village –  with my solo rock show. We sailed the Mediterranean, the Atlantic and the Caribbean. We had some rough seas I can tell you. But I never felt that the Captain was operating a policy of reckless endangerment. The idiot in charge (I use the term loosely) of the ill-fated Costa Concordia succeeded in running the flagship of the fleet onto the rocks in a channel 15 kilometers wide. I was prompted to create a rant about this, but it didn’t quite make it past the censors….but you, dear, loyal reader, can click on the player below and hear what i have to say in all my unexpurgated glory…..

My heart goes out to the families of all those lost to this man’s folly.

Kev Moore

The Chinese Invasion

I’m afraid the site’s a little behind schedule dear readers, I’ll be making up any shortfall in the New Year because I’m jetting off to Morocco for the holidays, but for now enjoy my rant about The Chinese, as heard on The Sunset Strip with Noelle on Bay Radio last Friday. Don’t forget, you can listen in every Friday 9.30pm CET, and every Sunday around 11.30am CET on The Sunday Brunch. Just click on the LISTEN LIVE logo at the bottom, and click on the player to hear last Friday’s rant.

Last weeks rant includes a song “Yangtse Noodle Dandy”, and here are the lyrics:

We watch with Western wide-eyed wonder
While a billion cheap Chinese, build guitars and cars
and roll cigars for just a fraction of the fees

Now Uncle Sam’s a pipedream
with his staid democracy
Cos those tiny little communistas
Chopped the dude off at the knees

Yangtse noodle dandy
Chopsticks it to the man
Turn Nevada into Paddy fields
San Antone to Old Siam

Tiannamen square’s behind him
What’s some corpses between friends
And hijacking your economy
Is the way to make amends

Mao and all his cronies
never saw this in their wildest dreams
To flood the west with phonies
It’s the ultimate subversive scheme

Yangtse noodle dandy
Chopstick it to the man
shanghai’s san antonio
San Antone to Old Siam

So next time you pick a mug from starbucks
A souvenir from New Orleans
Turn it over see where it’s made
And ponder for a moment just what that means

Yangtse noodle dandy
Chopstick it to the man
Turn Nevada into Paddy fields
San Antone to Old Siam
© Kev Moore 2011

And while we’re at it, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all the listeners and readers!

Kev Moore

FI -X Factor

Amelia (whoever the hell that is) says ‘fix’ claims surrounding The X factor  hurt her and Kel (whoever the hell that is)

AWWWWW, Diddums!

If it wasn’t for that overhyped, rotten to the core, value-less corrupt garbage piece of television you’d all probably be flipping burgers or living in assisted housing, so be grateful that corporate greed and manipulation is on your side for once.

The really sad thing is, the revelation that the ‘winner’s single’ was ready to ship before the result has been announced didn’t surprise or shock me in the least. That is the depths to which a once-proud British Music Industry has sunk. Remember when we used to produce and nurture classic pop and rock? I know, it’s a loooong time ago now.

Kev Moore

What WERE they thinking????

So it seems Tom Cruise’s daughter, Suri, has been wearing heels since she was three years old. Excuse me? Talk about mental parenting!!! Quite apart from the fact that her feet won’t have developed properly yet, should anybody wonder why children become victims when they dress them this way?

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. Tom Cruise is so bloody small, HE was probably wearing heels when he was three.

Proof that everyone in La-la land really is la-la.

Kev Moore

Too Soon for Christmas – The Bay Radio Rant

Hi there, errant listeners. Here’s last week’s Bay radio rant. This time, I turned my attention to the annoying custom of beginning Christmas in the middle of frigging September. Have a listen by clicking on the player below, and don’t forget you can listen live to Bay Radio, by clicking on the listen live icon.

Kev Moore