Human soup – Last Friday’s Bay Radio rant!

You too could have a body like this.....no, not Superman, the stuff in the can......

As always , dear reader, if you can’t be arsed to listen to my rant when it goes out, I usually post the soundfile here the following week. This week, I turn my attention to the nutters who came up with the idea of turning us into soup as an alternative to burial or cremation.  I’m not kidding. Check it out on the player below. And if you want to check out the excellent Bay Radio live, broadcasting the length of the Spanish Costas from Valencia to Almeria, just click on the listen live logo.

Kev Moore

An Englishman’s home is his Castle, or , I’ll take a stab at it……..

"...I'm quite certain I only used necessary force, officer...."

A Manchester Father was being questioned by Police last night after stabbing to death an intruder who broke into his home. He is being held on suspicion of murder. Now, call me contentious, but it seems to me the newspaper article that brings us this story is laden with phrases like “large detached house”, “affluent area”, “gold maserati”, ” silver range-rover”, and “personalized plates”.

Are they, in a roundabout way, telling us this guy asked for the intrusion, because he was rich and successful? If so, it is one more example of the sickness that pervades today’s society, where people believe everything is theirs by right, to take without work or sacrifice.

Let me say unequivocally, any toe-rag that decides to enter someone else’s house uninvited to help themselves deserves what’s coming to them. I only mourn the fact that this 33 year old family man didn’t have a pitchfork to hand so he could have stabbed the twat’s miserable accomplice at the same time.  So, I ask the Police, what part of this investigation is a problem for you?  Not only should you ensure that you let the guy go IMMEDIATELY, he should receive a public service award for a) defending his property, and b) ridding the world of one more piece of shit from our shoes.

Apparently, it is the third such incident in the area in the past three months. The previous two also resulted in a cull of local scumbags. What a result! This is WAY more effective than Policing!

So, to Vincent Cooke, Peter Flanagan, and 72 year-old Florist Cecil Coley,  I SALUTE YOU!

You are true British heroes, ridding the streets of garbage.

(Cecil, I hope you didn’t give them a discount on the wreath)

Kev Moore

Soup, Madam?

The Dear Departed (with Relish)

I never realized when that Conservative in Labour clothing, Tony (I played guitar once so I’m cool) Blair talked about a ‘third way’  that he was referring to this. Let me explain:

Until now, you had two choices when you turned up your toes, burial, or cremation. Now it seems, thanks to somebody with clearly too much time on their hands who has obviously spent the majority of their youth video-gaming, you can be turned into soup. Or liquified, to use the correct if unpleasant term. Yep, that’s right, someone has actually spent time (and probably tax-payers money) finding out just what it takes to reduce a human body to gloop in a clean and efficient and most likely profitable manner.  I can save them the bother. It seems if you put a thousand pre-pubescent girls in front of the man-child monstrosity that is Justin Bieber, they get reduced to gloop too, and at a fraction of the cost. In addition it reduces his fanbase, so it’s a win-win situation. But I digress……

Step right this way...........

This ‘liquefaction’ unit was designed in Glasgow (unsurprisingly, given the Scots canny appreciation of economy in all things) and wouldn’t you know it’s those crazy yanks who’ve installed the first one. The only surprise being that it’s not in Las Vegas.  But the clincher is this – The company founder, Sandy Sullivan, seems to think that it allows people a third option, “where they can express their environmental concerns in a personal way”. Hmm. Yes, but does it come with croutons, and at the end of the service, do you get an Urn, or a Tureen?

Kev Moore

 

The God Theory:Revisited

This is a true story: There was a Spanish guy, who last year, was involved in a very bad car crash, who managed to survive. A year later, he decided, along with his two Aunts, to set out from his village on a walking pilgrimage to visit and give thanks for his survival to the Virgin Mary.  I don’t know where she lives in Spain, to be honest….probably not Benidorm, can’t imagine there are too many virgins there….anyway, he and his aunts had barely left the outskirts of his village when all three of them were run down by a truck and killed.

If God has a favourite TV programme, it’s probably JACKASS.

Kev Moore