Bloody Celebrities!

"When I grow up I want to be Mariah Carey, you bastards"

I returned to the airwaves this weekend with my Bayradio rant – this time turning my sights on celebrities.(An easy target, I know, so hey! Let’s do it!) Now, I’ve been lucky enough to be the beneficiary of occasional ‘special treatment’ or ‘freebies’, and very nice it is too, but when these bloody A-listers think they are so far above us that they can behave like small children it really gets my Capra Hircus, or goat, for the less well-read among you. Now, a little secret, dear reader…. I recorded this rant before the demise of the reality-challenged Whitney Houston, who had the bad grace to depart this world after I’d mentioned her tantrums in my rant. Being a sensitive soul, I recorded it, and ‘framed’ Mariah Carey for the same outburst. As I mention in the dialogue, it doesn’t really matter, all these dodgy divas are so interchangeable you’d hardly know the difference. Just for the record, Ms.Carey was still drawing breath as this went to press.

There’s an original song with this one – ‘Don’t you know who I think I am’, which will appear on my new album, scheduled for release in the Autumn. The lyrics are below.

Just click on the player to hear my Celebrity strop rant, and click on the Bay Radio ‘listen live’ icon to, well, er…listen live!

Don’t you know who I think I am?

I’m in first class every time I fly – that’s just my way
And it’s the stewardesses ass if it ain’t just right, what can I say?
And don’t gimme none o’that ‘first in line’
Cos this seats taken and it’s always mine
And don’t tell me I can’t use my phone
and could you see to it I dine alone?

Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m not one of those you can easily mess with
Don’t you know who I think I am
I’d like some Dom Perignon and a nice club sandwich…..NOW!

I want the first five rows just for myself – and a cafe au lait
I don’t give a damn about no-one else – no, not today
I was  a tenement brat who never had a lot
Now I’m superstar diva takin’ all you got
I’d sell my own mama just to get ahead
Didnt you listen to what I just said?

Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m not one of those you can easily mess with
Don’t you know who I think I am
I cant wear my seatbelt cos I’m so exhausted….NOW

Music &Lyrics © Kev Moore 2012

Kev Moore