You couldn’t make it up……oh, wait a minute, they did…..Creationism as a tax loss

"We're gonna need a bigger boat....."

I’ve just discovered via Michael McKean’s excellent twitterfeed, that the state of Kentucky is allowing a 75% tax discount for the next 30 years to a Creationist Theme Park called ‘Ark Encounter’.

If you haven’t ‘encountered’ the Creationists before, let me explain. They believe God created everything, about 2,000 years ago and that we used to share the planet with dinosaurs. At the same time. Yep. America is a country so diverse it has people with the intelligence to put man on the moon, and people who have the intelligence of moon rock.

This, let’s be frank for a minute, bloody MENTAL idea for  multiple tax breaks for the amusement park catering to the terminally deluded, come at a time when Kentucky families are struggling from eight rounds of state budget cuts over the past three years. That includes cuts to education at all levels, a pay freeze for all teachers and state workers, and reduced funding for Medicaid.

Kentucky apparently already has a Creationism Museum, and the complementary amusement park includes biblical exhibits like the Tower of Babel and a full-size replica of Noah’s Ark…complete with – yep, you’ve guessed it, dinosaurs inside! It’s due to open in the spring of 2014. What I want to know is, how can they tell it’s full size? Have they got Noah’s blueprints?

I used to be scared about Islamic extremists getting their finger on the Nuclear button, but they pale into insignificance next to these guys.  I imagine them, when faced with scientific proof, standing in congregations with their fingers in their ears going “la la la la la – I’m not listening!” And I don’t know who’s the scarier, the nutters who built it, or the ones who cut them the breaks.

Kev Moore

The God Theory:Revisited

This is a true story: There was a Spanish guy, who last year, was involved in a very bad car crash, who managed to survive. A year later, he decided, along with his two Aunts, to set out from his village on a walking pilgrimage to visit and give thanks for his survival to the Virgin Mary.  I don’t know where she lives in Spain, to be honest….probably not Benidorm, can’t imagine there are too many virgins there….anyway, he and his aunts had barely left the outskirts of his village when all three of them were run down by a truck and killed.

If God has a favourite TV programme, it’s probably JACKASS.

Kev Moore

The God Theory

"Just you wait until I'm an all-powerful, omnipresent figment of your imagination, you bastards..."

He’s not real, you know. He’s a construct of human design which came about because the thought of us being responsible for our actions, or at the mercy of everything else was too much for us to deal with, But let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, that he is. I’d like to use a metaphor to describe him. It involves utilizing a religious preconception, but for the sake of argument, I’m willing to do that. Imagine God is re-incarnated, right? It’s my belief that in a former life he was the class nerd. You know, the one everybody picked on, played practical jokes on.

“What’s your name kid?” “Uh, Jehovah”

“Stupid name! – put his head down the toilet and flush it!”  That sort of thing.

I think, he kind of won the celestial lottery and came back as this omnipotent being. It’s the only logical explanation I can put forward for some of the stuff that goes on.  like the other day in France, a massive storm blew up out of nowhere which lasted 20 minutes. It uprooted trees, and one tree crashed down onto a tent where a woman was camping, killing her and severely injuring her children.  Another example was the cop in America, who was asked by a child in McDonald’s if he had 10 cents as he didn’t have enough for a cookie. The cop bought the whole cookie for the kid, walked out of the restaurant and was shot dead in a random attack. The only way there can be a God, and for these things to happen, is for him to be a vindictive little shit who got picked on at school.

Of course the God-botherers then really rub salt into the wound by coming out with utter tripe such as “He has a plan”. Yeah? it’s a seriously f*cked up one then, almost on par with the Millennium dome, or allowing London to host the Olympics. (Still, there’s plenty of plasma screen TV’s distributed among the populace so they can watch the events in glorious widescreen.)

Of course, in reality, there is no God, that woman and that cop unwittingly picked the booby prize in the lottery of life, discovering it was in fact a bitch, and then you die.

There’s some nice churches around though, if you like that sort of thing.

Kev Moore