
The Dear Departed (with Relish)
I never realized when that Conservative in Labour clothing, Tony (I played guitar once so I’m cool) Blair talked about a ‘third way’ that he was referring to this. Let me explain:
Until now, you had two choices when you turned up your toes, burial, or cremation. Now it seems, thanks to somebody with clearly too much time on their hands who has obviously spent the majority of their youth video-gaming, you can be turned into soup. Or liquified, to use the correct if unpleasant term. Yep, that’s right, someone has actually spent time (and probably tax-payers money) finding out just what it takes to reduce a human body to gloop in a clean and efficient and most likely profitable manner. I can save them the bother. It seems if you put a thousand pre-pubescent girls in front of the man-child monstrosity that is Justin Bieber, they get reduced to gloop too, and at a fraction of the cost. In addition it reduces his fanbase, so it’s a win-win situation. But I digress……

Step right this way...........
This ‘liquefaction’ unit was designed in Glasgow (unsurprisingly, given the Scots canny appreciation of economy in all things) and wouldn’t you know it’s those crazy yanks who’ve installed the first one. The only surprise being that it’s not in Las Vegas. But the clincher is this – The company founder, Sandy Sullivan, seems to think that it allows people a third option, “where they can express their environmental concerns in a personal way”. Hmm. Yes, but does it come with croutons, and at the end of the service, do you get an Urn, or a Tureen?
Kev Moore