The Chinese. Again. this time it’s to take a closer look at their birth control policy and what unforseen effects its having on the land of illegally copied goods. Ironic really. They stop you reproducing kids, but reproduce a designer handbag, or a car, and you can knock yourself out, mate – make a million of ’em! So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I have a go at our epicanthically-folded friends! There’s also a song “Just one more”. Just Click on the player at the foot of this post. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
Yes, the headphones are lovely - but can you actually liberate them from their hermetically sealed prison without becoming a paraplegic?
How many paper cuts, blisters, severed digits and gouged eyes have you suffered simply trying to open these bloody creations that people see fit to invent to enshroud your latest purchases? Yeah, me too. So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I give vent to my frustrations! Just Click on the player at the foot of this post. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
"When I grow up I want to be Mariah Carey, you bastards"
I returned to the airwaves this weekend with my Bayradio rant – this time turning my sights on celebrities.(An easy target, I know, so hey! Let’s do it!) Now, I’ve been lucky enough to be the beneficiary of occasional ‘special treatment’ or ‘freebies’, and very nice it is too, but when these bloody A-listers think they are so far above us that they can behave like small children it really gets my Capra Hircus, or goat, for the less well-read among you. Now, a little secret, dear reader…. I recorded this rant before the demise of the reality-challenged Whitney Houston, who had the bad grace to depart this world after I’d mentioned her tantrums in my rant. Being a sensitive soul, I recorded it, and ‘framed’ Mariah Carey for the same outburst. As I mention in the dialogue, it doesn’t really matter, all these dodgy divas are so interchangeable you’d hardly know the difference. Just for the record, Ms.Carey was still drawing breath as this went to press.
There’s an original song with this one – ‘Don’t you know who I think I am’, which will appear on my new album, scheduled for release in the Autumn. The lyrics are below.
Just click on the player to hear my Celebrity strop rant, and click on the Bay Radio ‘listen live’ icon to, well, er…listen live!
Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m in first class every time I fly – that’s just my way And it’s the stewardesses ass if it ain’t just right, what can I say? And don’t gimme none o’that ‘first in line’ Cos this seats taken and it’s always mine And don’t tell me I can’t use my phone and could you see to it I dine alone?
Don’t you know who I think I am? I’m not one of those you can easily mess with Don’t you know who I think I am I’d like some Dom Perignon and a nice club sandwich…..NOW!
I want the first five rows just for myself – and a cafe au lait I don’t give a damn about no-one else – no, not today I was a tenement brat who never had a lot Now I’m superstar diva takin’ all you got I’d sell my own mama just to get ahead Didnt you listen to what I just said?
Don’t you know who I think I am? I’m not one of those you can easily mess with Don’t you know who I think I am I cant wear my seatbelt cos I’m so exhausted….NOW
"It's my series and I'll cancel it if I want, you schmucks!" said a fat TV executive recently
I’ve long held the belief that the giant TV networks regard us as beneath contempt, an unfortunate, unwanted yet albeit necessary part of the equation that results in television programming, and the creation in particular of serialization. Many of my favourite programmes have come to grief because they didn’t hit some arbitrary notch on the ratings bedpost, or by way of their intrusive advertising, sell enough Daz. So it will come as no surprise to followers of my blog, or my BayRadio slot, that I chose to vent my spleen against them this weekend. Click on the player below to listen to the rant, which also includes the specially-written song “Pulling the Plug” (Lyrics below) – a fantasy I entertained about a fan of one show who was so over-zealous, he sabotaged the studio executive’s car and then murdered him while he recovered in hospital. Of course, I’m not suggesting that anybody really do this…but, you know….bring back ENTERPRISE , or else!!
Pulling the plug
Hey there Mr Katzenjammer, sitting in LA On which dream of mine and many others Do you intend to throw the covers And break the hearts of TV lovers From here to Monterey?
Well we were captured by the Pilot You seduced us with the plot Episode by episode you showed us what you’d got But now the season’s over And the Network’s had enough Have you ever felt like you’ve been had? Somebody’s called your bluff…..
Pulling the plug on your favourite show Never did no-one no good You reel us all in then you let us go Well I guess that’s how they do it in Hollywood
I don’t believe you would let us down If you knew how much it meant But I’ve drained the brakes on your oldsmobile Just to demonstrate my intent
I’ll visit you in intensive care When you’re all broken and bent
And your monitors flatline is my favourite show And although I know it’s not the way you wanted to go It was me that you were messing with and now you know
That respectfully, oh, regretfully and with all due deference to your sponsors fee I’ll be……
Pulling the Plug
CHORUS x 2
Well the broadcast rights to your funeral rites Went to Fox, not CBS A docu-soap on your early life And an unexpected guest
They’ll show your final resting place Here on Prime-time way out West
The irony here is that the ratings war Will be won by you, but not like how you won it before You’re the king of all the networks but you’re out the door
Oh, oblivious, and postumhous And you never even gave a single shit about us, who does?
If you want to listen to BayRadio live just click on the icon below. My live rants return on March 2nd, but I’ll be posting the links to some previous ones here during February.
Want some Moore??! 