"It's my series and I'll cancel it if I want, you schmucks!" said a fat TV executive recently
I’ve long held the belief that the giant TV networks regard us as beneath contempt, an unfortunate, unwanted yet albeit necessary part of the equation that results in television programming, and the creation in particular of serialization. Many of my favourite programmes have come to grief because they didn’t hit some arbitrary notch on the ratings bedpost, or by way of their intrusive advertising, sell enough Daz. So it will come as no surprise to followers of my blog, or my BayRadio slot, that I chose to vent my spleen against them this weekend. Click on the player below to listen to the rant, which also includes the specially-written song “Pulling the Plug” (Lyrics below) – a fantasy I entertained about a fan of one show who was so over-zealous, he sabotaged the studio executive’s car and then murdered him while he recovered in hospital. Of course, I’m not suggesting that anybody really do this…but, you know….bring back ENTERPRISE , or else!!
Pulling the plug
Hey there Mr Katzenjammer, sitting in LA
On which dream of mine and many others
Do you intend to throw the covers
And break the hearts of TV lovers
From here to Monterey?
Well we were captured by the Pilot
You seduced us with the plot
Episode by episode you showed us what you’d got
But now the season’s over
And the Network’s had enough
Have you ever felt like you’ve been had?
Somebody’s called your bluff…..
Pulling the plug on your favourite show
Never did no-one no good
You reel us all in then you let us go
Well I guess that’s how they do it in Hollywood
I don’t believe you would let us down
If you knew how much it meant
But I’ve drained the brakes on your oldsmobile
Just to demonstrate my intent
I’ll visit you in intensive care
When you’re all broken and bent
And your monitors flatline is my favourite show
And although I know it’s not the way you wanted to go
It was me that you were messing with and now you know
That respectfully, oh, regretfully
and with all due deference to your sponsors fee
I’ll be……
Pulling the Plug
CHORUS x 2
Well the broadcast rights to your funeral rites
Went to Fox, not CBS
A docu-soap on your early life
And an unexpected guest
They’ll show your final resting place
Here on Prime-time way out West
The irony here is that the ratings war
Will be won by you, but not like how you won it before
You’re the king of all the networks but you’re out the door
Oh, oblivious, and postumhous
And you never even gave a single shit about us, who does?
I’m pulling the plug.
© 2012 Words and Music Kev Moore
If you want to listen to BayRadio live just click on the icon below. My live rants return on March 2nd, but I’ll be posting the links to some previous ones here during February.
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