“The Euro casts a shadow over Spain……can you see what I did there?”
It had to happen, my take on why the Spanish economy (and everybody else’s) has gone totally and utterly tits up. I know its more Bananarama than Panorama, but hell, everybody has an opinion, and here’s mine….Just click on the player to hear this BayRadio rant from a couple of weeks ago in its entirety. Don’t forget, you can also listen live to Bay Radio by clicking on the appropriate icon. My next live broadcast will be around 2130 CET on The Sunset Strip with Noelle on Friday night, repeated Sunday lunchtime on The Sunday Brunch. This week, I attack Pigeons. Never let it be said that I shy away from a broad remit.
“I’m doing my bit for the environment…” “what?? I can’t hear you?”….”I said, I’M DOING MY BIT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!!!” A leafblower recently, failing to grasp the supreme irony.
Here’s an extract from my recent Friday night Bay Radio rant about Leafblowers:
“…Who the hell ever decided leaf-blowers were a good idea? I mean, I get the need for inventors. You have folks around you dying of cancer and stuff, you feel the need to try and invent a cure, or you can’t figure out how to get a screw to stay in a brick wall, so you invent a rawplug to help it stay there. You’re fed up with walking, or feeding the horse, you invent the car. I get it.
But a leaf blower???? In the name of all that’s holy – why???? ……”
(To hear the rest of this rant, click on the player below)
You can listen to me every Friday on the sunset Strip with Noelle, around 9.30pm CET, and on The Sunday Brunch, with Bob and Noelle, around midday CET
To listen to Bay Radio live, just click on the icon below.
Hosepipe bans, Standpipes, and more rain than you shake a soggy umbrella at. The United kingdom, in all it’s eccentric and frankly, mental glory. Hear me elucidate on
my Friday rant slot, reproduced on the player below for your delight:
You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
Statues. “but how can inanimate objects piss you off Kev?” I hear you cry. Well, my answer to that may well be “have you ever seen The Jesus and Mary chain play live?” – but I would be digressing.Click on the player at the foot of this post to hear the rant, and find out why, amongst others, Carla Bruni and Ken Livingstone become the target for my ire.
There’s also a brand new song “Statue of Only Me”, featuring sax from the fabulous Tufty Gordon (see below).
Tufty and Me
You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
Look what they're making you do, you suckers! The only one missing is a coffin-sized black one to put yourself in after you've killed yourself with the stress of it all....
This week, I thought I’d train my sights on how we get rid of our garbage. No, I don’t mean putting Jedward on the Front Line, I mean disposing of our household waste, and more specifically the difference between Spain, and England in this regard. After my customary in-depth research I have concluded that it is , in fact, totally bonkers. Check it out on my rant from last weekend . Just Click on the player at the foot of this post to hear it. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
You’ve been there. You’re at your wit’s end. Your accounts in the red, or your Washing machine’s broken down, and you need to speak to someone about it. you call the helpline, except it’s no help at all. At the end is some kind of zombie female robot with pre-arranged answers. AAARGH! Hear me vent on my rant from the weekend . Just Click on the player at the foot of this post. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
The Chinese. Again. this time it’s to take a closer look at their birth control policy and what unforseen effects its having on the land of illegally copied goods. Ironic really. They stop you reproducing kids, but reproduce a designer handbag, or a car, and you can knock yourself out, mate – make a million of ’em! So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I have a go at our epicanthically-folded friends! There’s also a song “Just one more”. Just Click on the player at the foot of this post. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
Derby County. My team. Tonight. The most important match of the season. Never mind all that Liverpool-Everton nonsense. This is the real meat and potatoes.
And so dear friends, it is upon us. The only one that matters. For the team that raise their muddy standard from the mire will have the bragging rights entire, no matter what the season holds, as clubs’ financial follys fold so many onto footballs funeral pyre.
But this one game, of two halves, Brian
With hearts of steel and will of iron
Sees battle of the horn’ed ones (oo-er missus)
joined with trent ends orphaned sons
So let us stomp the garibaldi red
Into our hallowed pride park turf
And sieze this game for all its worth
With Forest, left for dead.
YOU RAMS
so join with me now, one and all, an optimistic clarion call, for I for one won’t predict loss, I don’t care whose the bloody boss, or who plays where with whom, or what, and tactics? I care not a jot. Considered? Bunkum! No, not I
Im Derby…..DERBY til I die.
I think it’s a good time to remember our legendary victory over our bitterest rivals (Nottingham Forest)earlier in the season, when I felt compelled to record a version of “Wish you were Here” to commemorate it! You can download it here:
Yes, the headphones are lovely - but can you actually liberate them from their hermetically sealed prison without becoming a paraplegic?
How many paper cuts, blisters, severed digits and gouged eyes have you suffered simply trying to open these bloody creations that people see fit to invent to enshroud your latest purchases? Yeah, me too. So take a listen to my rant from the weekend where I give vent to my frustrations! Just Click on the player at the foot of this post. You can also listen live to Bayradio by clicking on the listen live icon below. I appear on The Sunset Strip with Noelle every Friday night around 9.30 pm CET, and it’s repeated every Sunday around 1..30am CET on The Sunday Brunch with Bob and Noelle. But if, heaven forbid, you miss them, you can always check in here to listen again.
"When I grow up I want to be Mariah Carey, you bastards"
I returned to the airwaves this weekend with my Bayradio rant – this time turning my sights on celebrities.(An easy target, I know, so hey! Let’s do it!) Now, I’ve been lucky enough to be the beneficiary of occasional ‘special treatment’ or ‘freebies’, and very nice it is too, but when these bloody A-listers think they are so far above us that they can behave like small children it really gets my Capra Hircus, or goat, for the less well-read among you. Now, a little secret, dear reader…. I recorded this rant before the demise of the reality-challenged Whitney Houston, who had the bad grace to depart this world after I’d mentioned her tantrums in my rant. Being a sensitive soul, I recorded it, and ‘framed’ Mariah Carey for the same outburst. As I mention in the dialogue, it doesn’t really matter, all these dodgy divas are so interchangeable you’d hardly know the difference. Just for the record, Ms.Carey was still drawing breath as this went to press.
There’s an original song with this one – ‘Don’t you know who I think I am’, which will appear on my new album, scheduled for release in the Autumn. The lyrics are below.
Just click on the player to hear my Celebrity strop rant, and click on the Bay Radio ‘listen live’ icon to, well, er…listen live!
Don’t you know who I think I am?
I’m in first class every time I fly – that’s just my way And it’s the stewardesses ass if it ain’t just right, what can I say? And don’t gimme none o’that ‘first in line’ Cos this seats taken and it’s always mine And don’t tell me I can’t use my phone and could you see to it I dine alone?
Don’t you know who I think I am? I’m not one of those you can easily mess with Don’t you know who I think I am I’d like some Dom Perignon and a nice club sandwich…..NOW!
I want the first five rows just for myself – and a cafe au lait I don’t give a damn about no-one else – no, not today I was a tenement brat who never had a lot Now I’m superstar diva takin’ all you got I’d sell my own mama just to get ahead Didnt you listen to what I just said?
Don’t you know who I think I am? I’m not one of those you can easily mess with Don’t you know who I think I am I cant wear my seatbelt cos I’m so exhausted….NOW
Want some Moore??! 